2018-09-10 Cincinnati
The Pronoun Conundrum
I am often frustrated by the awkwardness of using “his or her” in writing about someone of either sex. I don’t like to solve the dilemma with a grammatically incorrect “their.” In public speaking I usually alternate the male and female pronouns.
So what about an alternative format? Several have been suggested. Here’s a version of the Ze fix:
| Current Pronoun | Substitute |
| He, She | Ze |
| His, Her | Zir |
| Him, Her | Zir |
| His, Hers | Zirs |
| Himself, Herself | Zirself |
Trying to practice what I preach, I used these substitutes in a recent letter to Lawson’s brother-in-law [C-J or John] and sister-in-law [Jane], telling them how much Lawson and I basked in the visit from our sister-in-law’s daughter [Jill] and zir children [Beryl, Kaedon, and Olivia].
Dearest C-J & Jane,
Lawsie & I had the best time with Jill, Beryl, Kaedon, and Olivia. What a troupe!
Of course it’s no surprise what a great mother Jill is. After all, ze has you two as role models, not only in raising zir (Jane), but also in helping to raise Knut (John & Jane). Jill has a great combination of love for zir children, while also setting limits. The kids are extremely well-behaved, without being meek. Not at all. They’re full of personality, much of which must come from Jill’s example. Ze has fun with zir kids – like mapping their route to Canada to see as many waterfalls as possible. And ze got Kentucky bonnets for Beryl & Olivia, which further linked them to the culture.
Each of the children was marvelous in zir own way. Kaedon asked Laws, “Explain your relationship to me?” After Laws explained, Kaedon proudly said, “May I call you Great Uncle Lawson?” And of course Laws was overjoyed.
Olivia was so observant. Ze noticed our refrigerator, hidden behind beautiful wooden panels, and said, “Your refrigerator is charming! Your food is hiding!”
Beryl is a wonderful big sister, without being bossy. Ze’s protective, and has Jill’s gift of empathy. Ze was more concerned that Olivia and Kaedon felt comfortable in their beds than ze was for zirself.
Meanwhile Jill SEWS CLOTHES! Beryl wore a delightful, colorful dress, both designed and fabricated by Jill.
I’ve rarely seen children that young so interested in adults – Lawsie and me. They are interesting and they interact with us. They connect. They’re enthusiastic. Kaedon says, “I LOVE salmon,” when I tell zir the dinner menu. The next morning, all 3 want to help Laws make the French toast.
Of all my fun with Jill and zir children, my favorite was seeing Jill and the 3 children in the big bed in the west guest room (the “treehouse”) telling each other about their days – working backwards. What a wonderful tradition. It naturally leads to gratitude, which is one of the best recipes for physical and emotional wellbeing.
Laws & I are sorry that we won’t overlap with them in Canada, but look forward to other chances to get to know them even better. We are ecstatic to overlap with you both, plus Seth, Paula, & Sofia.
Big hugs from the heartland,
Sister Vicky
The letter is close to incomprehensible. See how much easier this is:
Dearest C-J & Jane,
Lawsie & I had the best time with Jill, Beryl, Kaedon, and Olivia. What a troupe!
Of course it’s no surprise what a great mother Jill is. After all, she has you two as role models, not only in raising her (Jane), but also in helping to raise Knut (John & Jane). Jill has a great combination of love for her children, while also setting limits. The kids are extremely well-behaved, without being meek. Not at all. They’re full of personality, much of which must come from Jill’s example. She has fun with her kids – like mapping their route to Canada to see as many waterfalls as possible. And she got Kentucky bonnets for Beryl & Olivia, which further linked them to the culture.
Each of the children was marvelous in her own way. Kaedon asked Laws, “Explain your relationship to me?” After Laws explained, Kaedon proudly said, “May I call you Great Uncle Lawson?” And of course Laws was overjoyed.
Olivia was so observant. She noticed our refrigerator, hidden behind beautiful wooden panels, and said, “Your refrigerator is charming! Your food is hiding!”
Beryl is a wonderful big sister, without being bossy. She’s protective, and has Jill’s gift of empathy. She was more concerned that Olivia and Kaedon felt comfortable in their beds than she was for herself.
Meanwhile Jill SEWS CLOTHES! Beryl wore a delightful, colorful dress, both designed and fabricated by Jill.
I’ve rarely seen children that young so interested in adults – Lawsie and me. They are interesting and they interact with us. They connect. They’re enthusiastic. Kaedon says, “I LOVE salmon,” when I tell her the dinner menu. The next morning, all 3 want to help Laws make the French toast.
Of all my fun with Jill and her children, my favorite was seeing Jill and the 3 children in the big bed in the west guest room (the “treehouse”) telling each other about their days – working backwards. What a wonderful tradition. It naturally leads to gratitude, which is one of the best recipes for physical and emotional wellbeing.
Laws & I are sorry that we won’t overlap with them in Canada, but look forward to other chances to get to know them even better. We are ecstatic to overlap with you both, plus Seth, Paula, & Sofia.
Big hugs from the heartland,
Sister Vicky
Ms as an honorific for girls and women regardless of marital status has become ubiquitous and the norm in just one generation. Replacing the 3rd person singular pronouns in speaking and writing would be overwhelming, to say nothing of the books already in print.
The Ze solution may not work. But that doesn’t mean we should stop seeking a solution. One of my favorite quotations comes from Thomas Edison during his attempts to invent the light bulb: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
VicWulsin 